Tag: conscious death

Brittany Maynard’s Widower Continues Fight for Her Legacy.

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  Medical aid-in-dying, just as with VSED (Voluntary Stopping and Drinking), is a choice made by those who want to live but instead, after understanding they have no curative options, then choose between two different types of death.  

It was heartwarming to personally talk on the phone with Dan Diaz not too long ago. Both of us are working to uphold the legacy of our loved one who died. Dan’s wife, Brittany, died by taking advantage of the Death With Dignity law. She had to move to Oregon to do this. My husband, chose to VSED (Voluntarily Stop Eating and Drinking) so he did not have to live into the late stages of Alzheimer’s.

Read this article to learn more about Brittany Maynard and Dan Diaz. Brittany was 29 when she was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. She had exhausted all of her options for treatment, including an eight8 hour brain surgery. The tumor would not stop growing and she was determined to have six months to live. Brittany and her husband made the choice to move to Oregon where it was legal to experience gentle, medical aid-in-dying. She chose to die on November 1, 2014. Since that day, her husband Dan continues to share his personal story and tirelessly pursues politicians in every state, imploring them to vote in favor of medical aid-in-dying legislation like Death with Dignity. He carries on his late wife’s story so that others may benefit from the same gentle death she experienced.

Dan Diaz makes a point of distinguishing the importance of terminology. This is not “suicide”. Medical aid-in-dying, just as with VSED (Voluntary Stopping and Drinking), is a choice made by those who want to live but instead, after understanding they have no curative options, then choose between two different types of death. Diaz continues his fight to legalize medical aid-in-dying because he wants others to legally have that choice in the face of impossibly difficult decisions.

The Gentler Symptoms of Dying

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From jokes, to songs, to demonstrations of gratitude, and smiles, dying people may, for biological reasons unknown, be given a final moment by the body’s complex systems to be alert with their loved ones and take a last look around with clarity.

Sara Manning Peskin, M.D., writes a vividly descriptive piece for the New York Times on a level of consciousness experienced near death coined by biologist Michael Nahm as “terminal lucidity”. While active dying can be confirmed in individuals by observing bodily symptoms such as “the death rattle”, “terminal agitation”, or “air hunger”, Peskin expands in detail on this subtler sign of dying.

The interconnectedness of the human body’s organs is referred to by Peskin as a “compassionate gift” because, as death nears and each organ system shuts down, they communicate to the brain to fall into a numbing slumber. Peskin states: “We may be able to sense people at the bedside on a spiritual level, but we are not fully awake in the moments, and often hours, before we die.”

Terminal lucidity is described as a burst of cognitive clarity and energy unusual compared to a dying person’s usual static state. Peskin details the biological functions and shut downs that cause bodily death which may happen in different sequences depending on the ailment. However, the mystery behind terminal lucidity is that it often occurs irrespective of the patient’s condition. A person dying with dementia, brain tumors, stroke, or kidney failure, for example, may all experience this sudden energy and awareness. “Nearly 90 percent of cases happened within a week of death and almost half occurred on the final day of life.” Peskin writes. From jokes, to songs, to demonstrations of gratitude, and smiles, dying people may, for biological reasons unknown, be given a final moment by the body’s complex systems to be alert with their loved ones and take a last look around with clarity. As Alexander Batthyány, an expert on dying, said: terminal lucidity is “the light before the end of the tunnel.”

This is an interesting article about lucidity before death. Of course, every death is different. My husband had a very conscious journey, using VSED (Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking) as the means to cause his death. Each day of his 9 ½ day journey took him closer to taking his last breath. Each day, his way of communicating to me shifted a little. On the eighth day, he could no longer talk and his eyes were closed, but he could answer “yes” or “no” by moving his eyelids. This is I was able to know if he was physically comfortable. On the ninth day, he was in a coma with loud rapid breathing. Our doctor said he was brain dead and would die in one to three days. His heart was still strong. She left our house. I went into his room and spontaneously began to talk with him. We were communicating even though he was brain dead. I told him he was getting his wish and would not have to live into the late stages of Alzheimer’s. I told him how brave he was and that I was going to be alright. Then he took his last breath. He went from the loud rapid breathing to taking one or two loooong, quiet, gentle breaths. He left.

All of this is explained in more detail in my recently published book, Choosing to Die. I hope you take the time to read this first memoir and guidebook written about VSED as a form of elective death in the face of degenerative disease.

 

Another Interview Coming Soon With John Wadsworth

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The soul doesn’t go anywhere;
​ it’s the body that dissolves and returns to the earth.

My friend and colleague, John Wadsworth, is a gifted photographer and videographer. He is the Founding Editor and Creative Director of the beautiful “Art of Dying” magazine. In the opening “Editor’s Note,” John says: “Death is approaching everyone. One moment we will no longer be who we have believed ourselves to be. Our bodies will be lifeless. And all that we have experienced, our loss, our hates, our successes and our failures, will dissipate as dreams. How we die is important.”
John interviewed me last year, and I shared intimate information about my husband’s death when he decided to VSED rather than live into the late stages of Alzheimer’s. Soon John will interview me again about my personal story and how I navigated that journey with Alan. 

John has collected the largest volume of quotes about death and dying. For some years now, he has put a daily quote on the internet about death and dying. You can find it at www.DeathKnells.com. These are quotes by philosophers, teachers, and sages of all persuasions.
One of the ways I start my day is by reading the daily quote on DeathKnells.com. I hope you’ll do the same. After you do this for a while, you’ll see that your perspective about death and dying may begin to change. Below is a recent quote.

 

Pure consciousness cannot be destroyed;
it can only be expressed.
Knowing this frees us from the fear of death
because nothing in the universe is ever lost;
it is only transformed.
If you and I are speaking on the phone,
and somebody cuts off the phone lines,
what happens to us?
Where do we go?
Nothing happens to us, and we don’t go anywhere.
So, too, when physical death occurs,
nothing happens to us.
Certain lines of communication
that use a certain nervous system
have temporarily been disrupted.
But we are still here.
The soul doesn’t go anywhere;
​ it’s the body that dissolves and returns to the earth.

Deepak Chopra:   Power, Freedom, and Grace: 
Living from the Source of Lasting Happiness 

Spiritual Beliefs are Important when Preparing for your Death

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Many religions accept death as a part of life or a state of transition. Discussing death as a part of life, being more accepting and educated about end of life care is something thinking about long before you die.  Write all your needs in your Advance health directive and talk to your health providers about it. We can all live our lives to the fullest and not fear death. Death occurs to everyone. It is simply a part of life.

 

If you are interested in different religious ideas around death, this is a great resource. By expanding our thinking cross-culturally we can understand death in more than our own way. Education is a key part of the dying process. By thinking about what occurs after death can make death more approachable. Even if you are not religious assessing your values and how you want to leave your body can affect your end of life decisions.

Reading about beliefs and aspects of other spiritual practices can help you identify how you see death and want to make your directive for end of life.

http://lmrpcc.org.au/admin/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Customs-Beliefs-Death-Dying.pdf

Loddon Mallee: Regional Palliative Care Consortium

We’re Not Too Young

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As newly weds it was important to have a discussion about what matters most at the end of life so we can make the right decisions for each other when the time comes

I hope that someday everyone fills out a health directive when they become an adult at 18. Our parents are legally responsible for us in the United States until then. At 18 ideally everyone should fill out a health directive. If you don’t do this and you are in an accident or get a terminal disease doctors and hospitals have a the legal right to make all decisions for you. Your health directive ensures that your loved ones will be able to represent you and your wishes. I filled out my first health directive when I was 40. I still didn’t believe I was going to die someday. I know It is challenging to think about a health directive when you think you are immortal. They vary from state to state, but what is important is what you write. Nevertheless, we are all going to die and we all want to have a good death. We are all familiar with death and through figuring out what what state we want to live into is something only you can decide. That is why preparing is important even when we are young and do not think about death.

A touching story of two Newlyweds 

End of Life Choices Conversation Starter

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It’s important to have many ways to initiate the conversation with your loved ones about your end of life wishes. Then they can be written into a formal Health Directive which is witnessed and notarized.

This is another tool to help you get started and stay on track!

As elders in our larger community, we have a responsibility to be role models for younger people. I feel this all the time in my own life. I’m aware of how keenly younger people want to know about aging and end of life issues.

http://www.aafp.org/news/health-of-the-public/20161205conversationstarter.html

Important End of Life Conversations

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This is an all too human story. Having supported my mother and my husband through their end of life choices, I am grateful for the clarity of information that existed between them and me. They were open about their wishes. We had good communication. Many people don’t have these conversations because it creates discomfort for them. Usually, it’s the children who have conflicted issues about discussing the end of life. They don’t want to acknowledge their parents’ deaths.  Following that, they have to acknowledge their own death because it is something we all will eventually face. 

I remember how difficult it was for me to talk about these issues with my own mother. It took years before I got comfortable with it. The conversations made me feel very sad because I had to face that I would lose her someday. I loved her very much. Nevertheless, I learned so much about end of life issues from her courageous demonstration. She was a teacher to me. She certainly helped me pave the way for clear communication with my husband once he was diagnosed with both Alzheimer’s and laryngeal cancer. 

https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/photos/a.102107073196735.4429.102099916530784/1458675897539839/?type=3&theater