And then I looked up on my right toward the ceiling. I had the strongest sensation, a knowing, that Alan had already left his body and that he was viewing everything now from above, near the ceiling.
And I said, “You’re not even in your body. You’ve already left. You’re watching the whole thing. I said he was very courageous and that he was only holding on by a couple of threads and that it was OK for him to let go and that I was going to be OK. I said “You can release yourself and be free. I’m going to help usher you home. There’s nothing else that you have to do. I’m going to midwife you home. “
While I was talking to Alan, and I was looking back and forth from the ceiling to his face, I noticed his breath abruptly shifted from the loud, rapid breathing to a quiet, gentle breath. (Demonstrate). He took just a few more of those quiet, long breaths. His last breath was so quiet, I couldn’t even detect the last breath. Instead of it taking 1 – 3 more days like the doctor had said, he left his body in about 15 minutes with me at his bedside.
Every step of the way, Alan made HIS choices. He chose not to have surgery. He chose to use naturopathic healing. He chose to be at his own funeral. He chose not to live in a dementia facility. And he chose not to live into the late stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. His final decision to be Not Here By Choice brought him great Peace.
Everyone needs to know they have legal rights and choices regarding their death. It’s not up to our doctors or anyone else. What will you do? Alan’s choices may be different from the ones you will make. But my wish is that everyone is empowered to participate in the planning of his or her own death and is able to have the kind of peace that my husband experienced.
It’s now two years later since Alan has died. I’ve experienced a deep and profound grieving process. Because I took the time and delved into the grieving process, I am feeling joy again. I am grateful for the years I had with Alan and I’m grateful for my current life, and for all the love and beauty that is in my life.
Even though I miss my husband very much, I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer and live into the late stages of Alzheimer’s. My support of my husband through his process, his choice to die peacefully and consciously was my biggest act of love.
(Pause) Thank you very much.
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